Free Advice is a periodic feature in which I answer anonymous letters sent to markbialczak.com. Today I entertain a many-faceted question, with another wrinkle you’ll discover below.
Hi Mark,
How does a person stay positive in times of economic stress, loss or change?
We can even break it down more.
How do you stay positive after job loss?
What do you say to someone who has lost a parent/spouse/child?
How do you keep a sense of humor in tough times?
Thank you,
Michelle
Dear Michelle,
First of all, thanks for having the guts to send me this question with your name attached. Folks, meet Mama Mick Terry, author of the fine blog of that name found here. Thank you for introducing me to your friends over at your place. You can find today’s Freestyle Friday feature here.
There’s part of my blueprint for remaining OK through tough times right there, and you appear to be taking the same steps. Be approachable. More than that, be outgoing. Be ready to reach outside your comfort zone to meet new people and do different things to create a network that may benefit you in ways that you can’t even imagine at that very moment.
Your query really cuts close to my personal story, and I’m sure many others in this ever-changing economy of ours. Two years ago, I was laid off from the job I’d held for 29 years and five months at the big daily. Of course that sent me spinning.
Fortunately, my emotional state was covered by my immediate family members and closest friends then, and still.
Let your loved ones love you. Do not close them out of your life.
When your friends want to continue to go golfing, for instance, by all means, go golfing. Remain on that bowling team that you’ve competed with for years and years.
In other words, yes, you likely will want to grieve the loss quietly for a week, two weeks, maybe longer. But then, please tell yourself to start trying to act like you did before that major change or loss. You’ve got to get back living, as soon as possible. Look for new work, yes, of course. If it’s death you’re dealing with, it is true that your loved one would want you to get back there in the swing of life.
If it’s your friend who lost the job or a loved one, tell them immediately how sorry you are. Get the pulse of how long their private time is likely to be and how much company they’ll want, and respect that. Thereafter, keep in contact. Let them know you’re there. And do your best to treat them normally.
Now about that positive outlook, Michelle. For me, it’s a matter of knowing that I’m trying hard, every day. My dear wife Karen knows it, and tells me so. Even though I’ve yet to be chosen in the handful of interviews in which I’ve made it to the finalists’ table for a full-time job, I keep reading the emails sent me by the job boards and networking and talking and listening and yes, sending out resumes. I love the regular free-lance jobs I’ve secured, and have recently found more work on that avenue, too. A fellow WordPress blogger friend and I have a film-and-food book co-writing project in the works as well. I work at least eight hours a day on my writing, researching, blogging, networking and job searching, every day, including weekends. There’s no time to be really depressed, I guess, Michelle.
As far as a sense of humor goes, either you’re funny or you’re not. And there’s no accounting for taste. There’s always funny peculiar to fall back on if funny ha-ha is letting you down. Did you hear the one about the blogger who started a feature called “Free Advice” because he hoped it might help him make more money?
Free Advice is a periodic feature. Send questions to markbialczak@gmail.com. Anonymity is assured.
My qualifications: 57 years of open eyes and ears but no stalking charges. One dear wife Karen, one terrific daughter Elisabeth and her wonderful boyfriend George, one sensational stepson Daryl, one pet Ellie B aka Dogamous Pyle and various other family members of scattered location and adjectives. Four decades of writing in public about people, places and things.
Satisfaction is the goal, but is by no means guaranteed.
Mark Bialczak 
So easy to support a loving heart like yours, Chum. Such great advice… perfect.
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Thank you, Aud. I try. 🙂
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Well said Mark.
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You, too, are a veteran of bouncing back, Paul. Look ahead, stay positive. Right?
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Yes absolutely. Your advise is bang on Mark. The only thing I would add – in my case – is living in the moment. My physical abilities changed considerably and I had to allow for that, I was no longer able to fall back on driving for a living as I used to do when my circumstances changed. So I looked at what I could still do and went from there. That’s all I would add.
Well done sir – excellent advice..
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Reevaluate. Let’s add that to the set of bounce-back instructions. Well said, Paul. Thank you.
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A lot of your readers use their noggin to make a living Mark, so re-evaluating is not as critical a skill as the others you mentioned, but yes, it should be added for those like myself who have abilities that have changed.
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For everybody, I think, Paul. I use my noggin’.
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Terrific advice, as always, Mark. I remember the first post you really hooked me with was the one where you wrote the letter to MDWK’s late hubby and child. It made me cry and also showed me your beautiful soul. I think cathartic letter writing could also accompany your wonderful answer. As always, you rock! ❤
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Thank you, Rachel. “Free Advide” is always in the form of a letter. Step one is taken, right there for you. It is quite cathartic. I shall remember that in my answers.
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Sage advice, Mark. Love your column and hope to see much more in future. 🙂
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Thank you, Jennifer. I appreciate your kind words. I hope to be answering more questions, too.
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Excellent advice, Mark. I really enjoy your advice feature!
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Thanks so much, Kate. I try to be of help. 🙂
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Kinda delusional to be positive in desparate or tragic times. I think getting angry, defiant and stubborn helps.
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Delusional? The hell with that. How’s that for angry, stubborn and defiant.
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Mark, I just love this!
You are my new “idol”!!! 🙂
great advice and very thoughtful!
( and this thing with humor! I’ve been through some hard times and i alwyas get out on the other side because my sence of humor. I thank GOD that i got it- because it means a lot to me! )
Have a great weekend!
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Thanks so much, Anna. We have to keep looking for the humor in life, my friend, when the hard times take another swing at us. Have a great weekend in Stockholm. 🙂
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Mark- jepp- we have to!
Have a super start to the new week!
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You, too, Anna my friend. 🙂
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🙂
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Good advice, Mark. Definitely need to hear it right now. Am feeling plenty kicked–maybe more so than ever. Am trying to fight, but know I need help so taking steps on that. Glad to be your partner in literary crime. Cheers to a productive (and lucrative 🙂 ) partnership!!
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I’m here for you, partner.
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You’re blueprint is a great plan MBM. The staying active and connected is key. Being open to these things, and the humor are definitely part of what will get you/me through anything.
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We have it down, MBC. Life has kicked us and we have said, OK, I’m still telling my stories after all. 🙂
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Just tweeted this, mi amigo. You are really one in a million. Your kindness, outlook on life and love for life are enviable. Such wise words to Michelle and all of us. I couldn’t agree more with all of it, especially the humor.
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Thank you, Mrs. B. Yes, the humor. I know that we agree on that, my friend, as well as the perserverance, kindness and love.
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Reblogged this on Angie Mc's Reblog Love and commented:
Gutsy, funny, and practical help. Mark writes, “Let your loved ones love you. Do not close them out of your life.”
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Wonderful family photos,and this lovable Ellie B creature stole my heart ~ No stress or worries when you look her straught into her innocent eyes …
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Ellie B is a great doggie to have beside you while working at home, not doubt. Thank you for noticing the closeness of my family and friends, DG.
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as always, excellent advice. you know personally of what you speak and live it everyday. the best endorsement.
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Thanks, Beth. This one cut close to the bone, as they say. I appreciate your support, as always, my friend.
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Those are some pretty heavy but definitely relatable questions and you did a great job of handling them. Therapeutic for all who read, thanks Mark!
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If you click to meet Michelle on her post today, you’ll get a bigger picture of her bravery in asking, Marissa. And thank you for your kind words. I was glad to use my experiences to attempt to help all readers.
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So funny Mark…I am a fan of Michelle’s and just happened to be reading her blog and then immediately clicked over to yours. I got the whole picture!!
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Perfect, Marissa. We live in a small WordPress circle. We’re the cool kids finally. 😉
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Well, as soon As Mark Bialczak started following me I knew I had made it to the inner circle.
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Ha! You slay me, Marissa Bergen. 🙂
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Very good! And great advice! Hope you get more and more questions!
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We’ll see, PJ. I have no syndication offers yet. 🙂
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It hasn’t been long enough. 😀
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Great advice Mark. One has to keep going, keep trying. Some days are harder than others and I think it’s ok to fall back every now and then, (after all we’re just human)but then we gotta get back at it. ❤
Diana xo
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Thank you, Diana. We are all just human. That’s why we have to try so hard. Nothing’s easy. But the rewards are great! ❤
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Your post has also encouraged me today. 😀
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You always try your hardest, Diana. I know it to my very core. ❤
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Mark and Michelle,
I know this struggle all too well, having been through it myself a couple of times in the last 15 years. Your advice is spot on, but I would add something more that I have learned through my faith and my life experience.
Simply put, it’s this: be in the moment. The past is done–you cannot change it, especially not with anger or bitterness. The future, as Jim Morrison observed, is uncertain. Things change on a dime. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t make plans or work towards your goals. It simply means that you cannot count on them materializing. And if they don’t appear–in a day, a week, a year–you won’t be disappointed. Enjoy the journey, the moment, instead.
The moment is all know with any certainty. Find the joy in it (and, yes, there’s even joy in hardship and tough times if you know where to look). And know that this moment, too, will pass, because nothing, good times or bad, ever stays the same.
And know that as each moment goes by, your strength and resilience increases, enabling you to handle both current difficulties and those that are bound to come.
You are both doing better than you may sometimes think. Keep the faith, believe in your abilities and stay strong!
Bruce
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Thanks so much for adding your passage of strength, Bruce. Having watched you in action over many years, I know that your are a man who leads by his actions. Bravo, sir, for running with your goals, always.
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Well-said! No time to be depressed when you keep active. It’s a tough choice not to dwell on the negative, but as another WordPress blogger named Penny said, “Every day may not be good, but there is something good in every day.”
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I like this saying by another WordPress blogger named Penny. Thanks for adding your two cents, too, Kerbey, as always.
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BRAVO! What a fantastic, positive and uplifting passage to bring it all home. Thank you for taking the time to read my question and respond in the only way you know how – with insight, heart, and gratitude. I have NO doubt that I’ll be reading your stuff in a major publication some day. I know it!!
I also appreciate that it’s okay to be peculiar-funny — it’s the only way I know how!!
Have a fantastic Friday!!
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Thank you, Michelle, for sending me this question, taking the time to read my many posts, and being funny — ha-ha and in your own wonderfully peculiar way, every day that you post over at Mama Mick Terry. We’ll be seeing you in published form, too, no doubt, my good friend.
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Wonderful advice! You have terrific determination.
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Thank you so much, Janey. I will continue my journey the only way I know how, my friend.
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