All those cute and funny names you offered for the backyard gopher my dear wife Karen have been attempting to lure into our humane trap so I can drive it away to a better life?
I refuse to call it by a single one of them.
I’m in no mood for cute, nor funny.
Thursday, just when I was preparing to bring Ellie B aka Dogamous Pyle inside so I could leave for my golf game with KP, I heard her panicked bark. I ran through the porch, down the steps, and found her again face-to-face with the gopher, this time several feet outside the fence that sets off the butterfly garden.
The gopher appeared to be advancing, the dog retreating.
I ran as fast as I could, yelling the dog’s name. I grabbed her collar, and the gopher leaped. Forever etched in my mind is the sight of the gopher, swinging from my dear Ellie B’s neck until I shook it off.
I hustled my dog into the house, wet a towel, and went over Ellie B inch-by-inch, whispering, calming outside as she panted, frantic inside as my heart pounded and my eyes searched for any teeth wounds. The only blood came from inside the dog’s mouth. Apparently she bit herself in her barking frenzy.
It did not look like any gopher teeth broke her skin.
Enough. The word humane is fast slipping from my vocabulary.
I’ve repositioned the so-far futile trap, taking it from outside the garden and positioning it immediately in front of where the gopher exits from its hiding spot under our shed.
I’ve placed a call to a professional animal exterminator, and am waiting for my message to be returned so we can get this freaking thing out of our Syracuse city neighborhood of Eastwood. A call to a different organization with a local number later this morning got me through to a Syracuse city animal expert who refused the job, calling it a “low-success” task for a professional because the raised shed offered the gopher too much wiggle room, so to speak. He said a pro visiting just once a day has little chance compared to a home owner who can more closely monitor the situation.
However, he offered much free advice for different trap bait, and felt confident that keeping the crate so close to the entrance point will catch the critter, though it may take a week or longer.
I’ve grabbed an old golf putter and placed it next to the porch door. Every time Ellie B goes out in the yard until the gopher is gone, I’ll be with her, carrying the club.
I will not put out any poison. I don’t want any animal I’m not targeting to get into it.
What would your next step be? No guns. I’m not into guns in a city backyard.